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2010/12/02 / Horace

Happy April Fool’s Day

He finally decided to open his eyes after rolling over the bed again and again for two hours. The wild beast inside his heart made him sleepless, urging him to say something he had been longing to say.

It was the last day of the month. He had been hiding and holding back those words inside his heart for several months, just like this month, and he no longer wanted to hide such feelings. Yes, he loved her, and he felt that she somehow liked him too. They were very good work partners, with so many plans designed together, so many risks taken together and so many achievements shared together. He simply could not regard her as a ‘very good friend’, an identity he had been telling to others.

He could not sleep, so he rose up from the bed, walked around, and saw his face in the mirror in the dim moonlight. It was a face occupied by the sprawling acne. He touched one of those blains, and then squeezed it so hard that it exploded and bleed. He sighed, looking at his reflection.

He remembered the first time when he noticed her. He was also so desperately squeezing those blains, even at the monitor election until he heard the following words:

‘Everyone here is a pearl, and I would like to be the thread stringing all these pearls together. It is my greatest honor and happiness to see the whole class shining.’

Amid the great applause, she smiled to everyone, including him. He looked at her carefully. Short, short-haired and ordinarily looking as she was, she was quite intelligent. Otherwise, she would not have delivered such a powerful speech, which helped her win the election later.

‘She is wise, very wise.’ He smiled to the man in the mirror.

After squeezing several other annoying dou broken, he had a glass of water at one gulp, lay on his bed and made another attempt to sleep, but his mind started wandering again.

He could have spoken out everything a long time ago. But he restrained his emotions He was wondering whether there was anything of him worth her love if there was any. He was ordinary looking, and even ugly because of those dous. He was from a working class family and always got confused when those middle class girls were talking about fashion and shopping. She was the only exception who would not make him astonished when talking about daily purchases.

‘She is more ‘grass-root’ perhaps?’ He said to himself.

He was just wondering whether she would accept a working class boy as her boyfriend, and what he would give her.

‘Maybe, you should get rid of those negative illusions you gave yourself.’ He remembered that one day she said these words to him when they were talking. He still regarded her as a close friend at that time. He sometimes could really find chances to find his self-identification when he was working for the honor of the class, organizing all sorts of activities and enjoying something he was good at. He was praised, accepted, and welcomed. Definitely as the monitor, she was with him all the time.

After so many shared experiences, friendship slowly became love, just like the water slowly overflew the glass.

He remembered the time when they were sitting on the grass with a group of foreigners, introducing each other. She said all girls liked him, and everybody laughed. Then she said she liked him too. Then, the air around him froze. He stared at her with astonishment, and the foreigners looked at both of them curiously and amusingly. ‘Why are you looking at me like this?’ she was confused, ‘I just treat him like a brother of mine.’

‘I know what you are trying to say, but in English, “I like you.” is similar to “I love you” just like Chinese.’

‘Ah… I did not know it. We are friends, very good friends.’

‘Yeah, very, very, very good friends. She’s a good sister.’ Fortunately, it was late at night, so no one could see his flushing face.

They’d been spending so much time together. As long as there was a team project, she would automatically seek him as a partner, and so would he. They sometimes would sit together in an elective class because there were no other familiars. Sometimes, he would express his anxiety. Sometimes, she would talk about her lost dream. Sometimes, time would pass really quick because the talk was so happy and friendly. Sometimes, time would seem really long because they could do nothing but condemn the boring teacher.

He remembered the time when he had the first impulse to kiss her. They were talking in class because the teacher never spoke a single word clearly enough to understand. He found something dirty on her face which made her look like a black kitty somehow. She was leaning forward to listen because they could not talk that loudly, and so was he. He looked at her, with some unusual expression perhaps, and then recommended an interview on that day’s newspaper. Then, the bell rang, the class was over, and nothing actually happened.

He could not tell why they were so close. Ever since the day they met, he felt his heart attached to her orbit just like a little planet around the sun. Or, at times, he felt both of them had been magnetized. One is N, the other is S, and both are so attracted by each other. God had put them together, but maybe didn’t want them to stay together.

He really had sufficient reasons to move a little bit forward. However, it was too much risk for him to go beyond the boundary. If he did nothing, everything would be the same as it had been, and they would still be very good friends. If he did that, maybe everything would be better, but everything might also become nothing.

The beast inside his heart was more than just sleepless now. It was getting more excited but also more and more confused.

 

The sun was rising gradually, higher and higher, and finally started casting beam through the glass. He could feel his face touched gently by the warm sunlight. His cellphone started making noises, calling him to wake up. Another day had come.

‘But if I do nothing, I would get nothing. My ugly face does not mean that my soul is ugly. I have nothing to give because I am still young. I am promising. Yes, I AM PROMISING!’ He turned his face and saw those notebooks on the desk and those books he had been reading. He knew he could be a better man, because he had been doing better and better.

He got up again, drank another cup of water at a gulp again, and looked inside the mirror. He was too bored to see the coward’s face again.

His cellphone worked again, telling him there were only 15 minutes before he saw her again in class. He took a deep breathe, grabbed the phone and dialed the number he had been so familiar with.

‘Hello? Why so early?’ The other side of the line yawned.

‘I… I have something really important to say, really important.’

‘Oh. Then what is it?’

‘I… I … I… I … like you, and I… want you to be my girlfriend. Yes. I want YOU to be my girlfriend.’

There was only silence on both sides of the line. His breath was getting heavier and faster, as he was waiting for the reply.

‘Ah…’ the other side answered.

He closed his lips and eyes tightly, and concentrated on what she was talking.

‘Very, very, very interesting… Haha! I was almost fooled by you. Happy April Fool’s Day!’

He checked his calendar. It was Apr. 1st this morning. A new month had started.

‘Yep. Happy April, FOOL’s Day.’ he hung the line, standing straight up in the room, and slowly put his phone back to the hook. (1338 words)

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